Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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