How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize