I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
