Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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