Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
