I cockslap morals
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
