No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize