i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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