i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
