were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
