My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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