Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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