Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
