I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
