our cab driver is having phone sex.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
