i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Its about making memories worth repressing
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
