Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
