Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
