the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
