I hate your face
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
