he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
