The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
