My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wish you could order shots online.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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