Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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