Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
