You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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