Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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