maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
