I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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