dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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