I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
