is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
