you guys were way drunker than both of me
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
