I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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