mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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