Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
