i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
