Moan for me like Helen Keller
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
