Sry I called you an 8
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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