im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
