When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
