my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
