I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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