I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
