We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm getting married
To pizza
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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