it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The power of my boobs compel you
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
