its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
