i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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