i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
false alarm, still single
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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