Buhtt sex?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
