ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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