i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
