My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
