I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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