my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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