Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
