It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We need to get me chipped asap
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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