yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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