I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
