i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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