i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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