Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
