i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
