I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
