how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
