wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
