I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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