her vagine was all disorganized.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
