just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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