well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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