I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
